February has been the month of #kdclivelove. At the start of Feb, I started a new series where I compare lessons I was taught as a kid and compare what life taught me instead. It started with the importance of loving you first.
If you don’t believe me, take it from Ru
As I’m still learning and figuring out this crazy twisted life, I dare you to join me. I’m going to keep trying to create more authentic human connections and bring more understanding on how to learn more about yourself and to live more love.
Today we are talking about how starting with a small change in how you think can go a long f’n way! You In?
A few years ago I was in one of the deepest pits I’ve ever had the pleasure of clawing out of. I was depressed, confused, angry and was not down with how much shit was out there because of people. How could there be so many crazy and stupidity out there? How is there so much pain in the world? How come shit doesn’t get better? Nothing made sense and I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
As a kid, I was always told, “Stop trying to rush time and grow up! Enjoy being a kid, it goes faster than you think!” I remember the first time I heard myself give this same advice, it was a deja vu kinda moment and it took me back.
Back then I was jealous of all the freedom and unlimited choice adults had! What to wear, what to eat, where to go. These were all decisions that were made for me. I couldn’t wait to be grown so I could do it on my own. I forgot that this is the exact timeI had wished for as a kid! “Thirty, flirty and thriving” The time for unlimited choice is here, right now. Points if you can tell me in the comments which movie is referenced above!
Now that I am that adult I’m looking at all the choice I have available to me. I’m thankful for it every day, so I try to use it in a positive way. I am spending more time choosing not to be an asshole. Choosing to be kind, choosing to show up and build those authentic relationships. I realized that if I want the catastrophe that is the world to be better I have to be better.
My OG Kid lesson: people were the WORST
New Life Lesson: people are the ANSWER
It took me a long time to figure this one out, and sometimes I still don’t believe it. I was pointing fingers at all the people causing hardships and was finding that at the same time it was people that were making shit better.
Think of your biggest pit of despair. Can you blame a person for that shit? How did you get out of it?
There is no way in hell I could have been able to do it all on my own. Granted I did spend a lot of time alone but I knew I needed a different perspective. I needed some good advice from someone other than those voices in my head I know I couldn’t trust. I opened up, told my truths and instead of finding the worst in people I found love.
Like I said before, it’s all still a learning and growing process. The first step is admitting that you don’t want to add to the shit out there. Next, acknowledge that just like you, everyone (even the kiddos in our lives) have their own shit too. And in the mix of all the BS we are all dealing with, I would rather be a good blimp in someone’s day 99% of the time! Wouldn’t you?
You gotta only stress over what you can control, and friends that just leaves you. One of the ways my anxiety manifests itself is through negative self-talk. I can talk myself out of the best mood in a matter of seconds. As you can imagine this brings on a lot of stress and well…anxiety, but I know that I can’t control anyone else.
I choose my mood. That’s it. How do I want to show up today? How do I want to help today? How can I show someone kindness today? These are the types of choices I am concentrating on.
It can definitely feel like it takes less energy to just be a dick but don’t forget, this choice is yours. If you are legit choosing to show up just to be an asshole, get the hell outta here!
Make it a habit to keep this thought at the forefront of your mind. Eventually, it will take less effort and just becomes part of your awesome human nature.
I know that it can be hard to put a smile on and be nice to people when those bitches cut you off in traffic! And walk too slow in front of you in the hallway! And tell you the same damn story for the millionth time! But really, you don’t know what’s going on in their corner of the world.
Think of your relationship with your best friend. That ride or die that loves you even after you go sick in their car and call them all the bad names you have ever learned. No matter what they got your back. What would it be like if we accepted one another as we are?
Let’s be real for a sec, why mix asshole energy into your human energy? It’s hard out there, as a person. Just show a bit of grace, and a bit of kindness.
Trying to do this every day is hard as hell not gonna lie to you. But at the same time, the amount of positive energy I have been attracting has made it totally worth it. I have had such positive and interesting conversations about how crazy it is that as adults we still live in a world of assholes. It is easy to get caught up in the drama of it all when it’s everywhere. The difference is now that I know I can’t control that shit and I keep in mind that a good example is better than good advice.
I was diagnosed with diabetes at the end of 2016 and it scared the shit outta me. Not only would I have to start taking meds daily but I would have to relearn how to eat! I love food, LOVE IT! Most of my hangs revolve around food, I love how it can bring people together and it scared me to think that would change.
I have been eating whatever I wanted for over 30 years! Knowing that I would have to change all my habits was a freaky thing to process and to say the least, a tad overwhelming.
During a conversation with a friend, I was telling her about my new outlook on life. She listened to me eagerly and then casually suggested I look into Gretchen Rubin. She talked about her books Better than Before and The Four Tendencies. Where the author talks about happiness and habits two things I love, so I eagerly downloaded both from Audible.
The Four Tendencies starts by simply asking you “How do you respond to expectations?” Gretchen Rubin found that there are four categories that people fall into when they answer this question. There is the Upholder, the Questioner, the Rebel and the Obliger.
When I was first listening to the book I 100% thought I was an Upholder just like the author. After I took the test it showed me that I am actually a Questioner. Even though I was surprised by the result after I read more about it, there was no question. lol.
I like to listen to a lot of my books but I had to go get a physical copy of The Four Tendencies so I could highlight, dog ear tag and flip through.
Like the other personality tests I’ve mentioned before the Four Tendencies helped me understand myself on a whole new level. I was just looking for advice on how to remember to take my meds on a daily basis and make this a new habit! But shit goes deeper than just changing my eating habits! There are sections in the book on how to talk to different tendencies whether it is a client, child or spouse. This is another test that I made my partner take to learn how to talk to one another in a way that each of us will respect and understand.
If we have hung out in the past 3 months I have brought up her book with you. I have found it so interesting and as a questioner a great conversation starter.
In your journey to understand people more, you have to take the time to relearn you! It’s messy, and scary as hell but it will be worth it!
You will give the best version of yourself to every relationship which is one of the choices I am glad to make every day.
You can take Gretchen Rubin’s quiz to Check out which tendency you fall under. I’m so curious to know which one you are, tell me below!
The next time someone is being a jerk, just take some time to consider their shit. There’s no way you can know all of the hardships someone is going through just by looking at them, so what is the harm by showing them a little bit of grace. Dude, just be nice <3
Add these songs to your playlist for a little musical reminder
Read this post if you need a reminder why you should love yourself
Read this post if you need want to find out how you can start living more love