How to hang with people that push your buttons

HAPPY THANKSGIVING FRIENDS!

I really love this time of the year because the weather reminds us that times of change can be beautiful and that even nature needs

to let go of shit!

Thanksgiving is a great reminder to practice gratitude. Give thanks is in the name of the damn holiday! It’s funny how a date on our calendar can force us into this tradition. If this technique works for you, try putting it in your agenda for tomorrow 😉

But what happens when family times bring us together with the people we would rather avoid? How do you pull through? Hands up if you use liquid courage or something of the like.

Just like with our day to day life, we are not always around our favourite people. And we can’t always rely on something external to help pull us through. So, what do you do?

We spend a lot of time in our own bubbles that we can forget that the people around us are having their own life experiences separate from our own.

When we leave our homes and start interacting with the world sometimes we forget our responsibility and we start to take things too seriously and too personally.

You take action to respond, to REact to the people or things. That’s on you boo.

Think about your way to class or the office today. Driving in traffic where the lanes are unnoticeable because of all the damn snow that fell this week! I’m yelling at people that are changing lanes and cutting me off in intersections. I’m shaking my fists at the people that don’t know how to merge properly!

But shit, I don’t know what is going on with them. This may be their first time driving through snow. The person may be lost! They may be on their way to the biggest job interview of their lives, or it’s their first day on the job! They are obviously in a bigger hurry than I am. Either way, I am choosing how to react to these people because I have ZERO control over their attitude, their interpretation and most importantly how they drive their own damn car!

I’m over here in my own lane trying to keep my car between the lines. Making sure I have enough window washer fluid and gas to get me to where I need to be. Yes, some people may crash into me, but again it’s my choice on how I deal.

We want to breathe kindness into the world.
We want to be able to be good friends, partners and parents.
My simple reminder will help all of your relationships.
You ready? Here it comes:
– IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU! –

I know this thought is contrary to what we’ve been programmed to believe, but it’s true.

Let that thought marinate for a minute.

Whenever I’m in a situation with someone that’s pushing me to my edge I just remember that this moment is not about me.

How can we do this with our kids?

By teaching them that people do not hurt our feelings. We choose how to respond to our feelings.

THIS is how you show kindness to other people. You’re missing the point if you’re only focusing on your response in a situation. Don’t flip the conversation or the situation to focus on you. When you can come from a place of service and gratitude you can authentically be there for your people.

The best way to practice this is when you’re with that person that always presses your buttons. Pay attention to your resistance.

What resistance looks like

  • crossed arms
  • head shake
  • eye roll
  • clenched fists

What resistance sounds like in our heads:

  • Scoffing
  • Ya right!
  • BS!
  • Shut your face!
  • IMPOSSIBLE!

What resistance feels like in our bodies:

  • a jolt
  • tense fists
  • tense stomach
  • pins and needles

Remember, we all have our own shit! It can be hard for other people to see or even talk about anything other than their own shit. And for me, that’s ok.

Instead of thinking “I can’t be around this person! They run me down and steal my joy! It’s exhausting to talk to them because all they do is complain. So what’s the point?” 

My kindness comes in when I change up my thought about the conversations we have. “This person needs to vent and they know I am a great soundboard! I am thankful that this person wants to share their feelings with me. I can be that soundboard for them without feeding into the negative. I just want to be here for this person.”

How I respond to other people is the only thing I can control. So when I come from a place of kindness towards others I can put my ego aside and just be there for another person.

True humility is not thinking less of yourself;

it is thinking of yourself LESS

-C.S. Lewis